When I sit down to blog, millions of possible topics run through my mind. Should I write about this? Is this topic idea more relevant than the other? This, this, this…that, that, that… But I struggle with the possibility of rambling on — if I say, “let’s see where this goes”, I know it’ll end up being a mess. To be honest, my mind is like this all the time, not when I’m trying to write or blog.
The only time my mind is calm is when I am asleep and maybe really not even then. I often wake up from vivid dreams. I often forget soon after what they’re about, actually, but I know they are vivid.
Meditation? I’ve tried it, but never seem to have long-enough blocks of time to give it a chance to allow me to zone out.
Taking walks outdoors really does help me and my mental frame of mind. There is a walking trail nearby that I love. Pictures I take there with my iPhone never do it justice. This particular trail is part of the historic Brandywine Battlefield area. Sometimes it gives me pause that such a beautiful area once had dead bodies and blood all over, albeit long time ago back in 1777. Its beauty and history makes me feel very reverent when I walk this trail.
I get good ideas when I’m moving. I look back to when I was young and wish that I had been encouraged to embrace movement more. There are memories of hiking trips-slash-camping trips with my family as a girl growing up in Northern California, but at some point that stopped. I don’t remember us doing anything like that after I became a teenager. Until now I never really thought about it, or why. Maybe my parents became more busy. Maybe we kids were more busy (although that is a relative term…we were bumps on a log in comparison to how busy my kids are today). P.E. was no fun for me; I was always picked last (being the only deaf kid in P.E. classes had a lot to do with that). Perhaps because of my P.E. experiences, I have long been disinclined to find group opportunities for exercise.
Walking really is good enough for me. I like it when my family member(s) join me, but if not, being solitary still is satisfactory. I often feel that maybe I should push myself physically more — my body certainly would fit better in my jeans if I did — but my knees can’t take running or other high-impact activities. I’m in awe of people who train and participate in triathlons or other athletics that take up a lot of their time and physical fortitude. But I am me and they are them. I need to remember that and not beat myself up over it.
What really matters is how I feel after what I do. And it’s much, much better after walking. No, it doesn’t solve everything. I still struggle with things like trying not to obsess over how many jelly bellies I eat daily. I struggle with inadequacy. I struggle with finding balance in life overall. The struggle continues to be real, but it helps to find something that puts me in a better frame of mind, even if it is for a short time and not 24/7. It’s better than not at all.